Hey everyone! Welcome to another episode of Reviving Vet Med.
In today's episode, we will be talking about Compassionate Communication. Some of these strategies are taken from nonviolent communication, which are tools that we can use to engage in healthy communication with others, especially those we are in close relationships with.
I'm going to apply some of these strategies into what I'm going to share with you today in the realm of VET medicine as well as others to help us communicate more effectively and healthfully within our team.
Some examples of things that we will discuss today pertain to how we ask for help in the practice setting, how we demonstrate empathy to those we work with, being generous in our thoughts of others before we speak, and how we repair relationships when things go wrong.
There's a lot of really great content here to help you and your team communicate in a healthier. OK, so let's go ahead and get into the episode.
This is the Reviving Vet Med podcast, and I'm your host, Doctor Marie Holowaychuk and my mission is to improve the mental health and wellbeing of veterinary professionals around the world.
So the benefits of healthy communication cannot be understated when it comes to working within our teams, there is a lot of information from the human healthcare space that demonstrates that when human physicians and nurses are communicating in effective ways that their patient outcomes increase their patient satisfaction increases and that their patients are even staying in hospital for shorter periods of time now this doesn't even talk about the team benefits of healthy communication, which of course are higher job satisfaction and lower levels of burnout.
We do have similar information in the veterinary space to also demonstrate that this may be true for us as well. There is research that comes out of Canada and the United States looking at companion animal practices and surveying all members of those veterinary teams so nurses, veterinarians, animal care attendants and so and what they found is that those veterinary team members who work in an environment that is coordinated, that has effective communication in which people openly communicate with each other, that they have lower burnout scores and higher job satisfaction and the opposite is true within these research studies, whereby those individuals who identify as working in a toxic team environment where there's ineffective communication, where team members aren't openly communicating, those team members have higher burnout scores and lower levels of job.
Now this information was also mirrored in the Merck veterinary well-being study. The third, which was published back in 2022 in Java. What they found is that those veterinarians and team members working in a healthy work culture had higher well-being scores, lower burnout scores.
And less serious psychological distress, as well as being more likely to recommend a career in veterinary medicine. Now you may be wondering what makes a healthy work culture. Well, in the context of communication, candid and open communication among team members is one of the four main factors of a healthy work culture.
So not only do we know that healthy communication is good for our well-being and our job satisfaction as well as beneficial in reducing burnout, we also know that when communication in the workplace does not go well, then this can be a huge source of stress. There was a survey study that was done among us veterinarians back in 2014 that found that coworker or interpersonal issues was the 3rd leading stressor described by veterinarians at the time.
So clearly if we're having issues with our team members, and I've certainly been in situations where you know, I was working with somebody that I knew I wasn't communicating well with or that we weren't connecting or driving on a particular level, it created a lot of stress, oftentimes more stress than just the work of taking care of the patients and tending to the client. So, this is definitely an area that we want to focus on so that we can make sure that we are mitigating the stress and that we are maintaining those high levels of well-being and those low levels of burnout but of course, all of us are striving for.
So, the two C's, I think that most heavily contribute to healthy workplace communication are curiosity and compassion. So, one thing I try to always remind myself of is that when I feel like I'm butting heads. Somebody in the clinic or that I'm not connecting with someone or that I'm feeling frustrated by somebody on the team. I first try to exercise my curiosity muscle.
So think about what is this team member going through? What are they thinking? What are they feeling? What's happening for them? What's coming up for them? Really having a desire to truly understand their thoughts, their feelings, what's going on underneath the surface can be a huge stepping stone to opening up a conversation.
That is aimed at fixing the problem rather than just pinning that person as somebody I don't like working with, so curiosity is really, really helpful. And if you need a helpful reminder, I always tell myself ABC always be curious. So, the other thing I mentioned is compassion.
And we can think of compassion in many different ways. We often think of compassion as a way to demonstrate care and concern for others. I think in the context of communication, we want to think about this care and concern in a way of thinking about what do I need in this situation that I can communicate to somebody else or is someone else's behavior communicating to me an unmet need for them.
OK, so thinking about communication that way. So, I want to highlight some different communication strategies that I call compassionate communication strategies. This information, a lot of it is taken from nonviolent communication strategies. So Marshall Rosenberg is a PhD, who wrote the original book Nonviolent Communication, a language of life. So definitely a book worth picking up if you have not already read that. And a lot of these strategies come from that. These strategies are really intended for you use within close partner relationships or family or friend relationships. But let's be honest, we spend a lot of time at work and a lot of time with our teams. So I think a lot of these strategies can be translated into the veterinary team environment as well.
So in the context of compassionate communication, we first want to avoid judgment. So saying things like it's Suzy's fault Suzie is lazy. I wish Suzy could be more like Janet. Suzy should work. Order. OK, all of these statements are judgments. They're labels, comparisons, and criticisms. Instead, we want to focus on the need, so this might sound like I need Susie to finish the cleaning checklist before she goes home. Or I'd like Susie to check in with me for tasks before leaving at the end of the day. So, using statements like those is going to be much more compassionate when addressing some of these undesirable behaviors in our team.
Another strategy for compassionate communication is to use positive language when making requests. So rather than to say please don't leave before checking in with me for tasks. Or please don't sit around and check Facebook when you have down time, we can choose positive relationship. Excuse me, positive communication strategies. So I need you to come to me when you have down time so that I can direct you to something that might need to be done. OK. Or I'd like you to do XYZ. Is going to. Basically, promote less resistance. I don't know about you, but I have a three-year old at home and if I tell her, don't do that or don't do this or stop doing that, it it in many circumstances, it amplifies her behavior. And so that's something that we want to get away from.
So some other components of compassionate communication are to avoid vague, abstract, or ambiguous phrasing. So sometimes we'll get, you know, heated in the veterinary environment and we get in the moment, especially for me in emergency practice. And we just say, you know, I need some help here or you know, everything's falling apart today.
If you can try to be more specific about exactly what your unmet need is in that in that situation and then communicate that. So, for example, could you assist me with finishing post OP patient evaluations, right, being very specific in the ask sometimes too even when we are specific in our ASK.
It can end up coming out as if it is a demand rather than a kind request. So in order to avoid that, we can use feelings to demonstrate context. So that might sound like this. I'm feeling overwhelmed and I'm worried about this pancreatitis patient. I need you to check her vitals, OK? Rather than just saying I need you to check this dog's vitals. OK, another way that we can use compassionate communication is when we are looking for information, especially when a situation is not going well. So I go back to that situation of curiosity, right. Let's say that I come into practice.
One day I'm working closely with one of my nurses and I can just have the sense that things are off. We're not connecting, we're not communicating well. I have the sense that she's maybe not in a good mood. I'm not sure if it's about me or something I said or something totally unrelated. So rather than saying like, what's going on with you today or what's your problem? Or even worse, what did I do to you? We would give context for that by saying I'm feeling frustrated because I don't feel like we're connecting today. Can I ask what's bothering you? OK. Or tell me what's on your.
This gives people context for our experience when we are asking them for information. OK. The other thing that we want to do is to default to empathy when things get emotionally charged. I'm a big believer in putting ourselves in other people's shoes. This goes for clients. This goes for team members.
If you see that a team member is acting off or clearly isn't having a good day, put yourself in their shoes. Do they have a lot of? Stuff going on. At home, do they have a lot of work on their, you know, a lot of big caseload for the day? Is there somebody missing from their team so that they'll be pulled? They're being pulled in many different directions. Default to empathy. Try to understand what might be behind their experience. And then the ideal is to understand what their experience is and to connect over it. So remember, it's not about guessing everybody's emotions and getting it right. It's about connecting with people over what you perceive their experience to be, giving them an opportunity to correct you. If you're way off.
So for example, you see a team member, you know that client came into the hospital, the client yelled at them and now you can see that something's wrong. And so you say to them, gosh, I'm sorry. I saw that client yelling at you. That must have been really upsetting. Do you want to talk about it? And maybe they say, well, I'm not really upset, I'm just frustrated. Like, I'm tired of clients, you know, speaking to me this way. So they're helping you to identify that their experience is not sad or upset. It's frustration, frustration and anger is a good emotion because it leads us to action. And then you can support them in what they're experiencing. Yeah, that that would be frustrating. Tell me more about what's going on with this client and maybe. I can help.
You might have an experience where you're in a leadership role and maybe somebody has put in the vacation request and for some reason you can't grant them that.
Request. So you might say I'm so sorry we can't find anyone to cover your vacation request. You're no doubt feeling frustrated. How about we talk about it? Hassle again. It's leading with that empathy, recognizing the situation, empathizing with where they're coming from, and then having a conversation.
So remember, sympathy is not the same as empathy. Sympathy is feeling for a person you know. I feel sorry for you, you poor thing. Oh, that must be so hard that drives disconnection. That leaves the receiver to feel that they are over here having their experience and that you are somewhere else. Not having that same experience with empathy, we feel with the other person. That is what fuels the connection. And I'm not saying that you need to take on that individual's experience if one of your team members is going through a really tough time in their distressed, I don't want you to feel distressed.
But I do want you to identify their distress, and you've probably felt distressed at some point in your life as well. So you can say something like I get it. I've been there. Or if you haven't been there, you say I haven't had the same experience. But I know what it's like to feel distressed. You are not alone. So these are really important, compassionate communication strategies that I want you to consider with your team.
A couple of other things that I want you to think about are the ways in which you communicate with your team. So when we think of communication styles, we generally think generally think of assertive communication, aggressive communication, passive communication or passive aggressive communication. Now when you think about compassionate communication, you might think, well, some of this sounds kind of fluffy. That sounds kind of passive but the difference between compassionate communication and being passive is that we are clearly stating our needs, in the words of Bernie Brown one of my favorite quotes of all time is clear is kind when we are being passive. We're not actually saying what we are really wanting or needing was sort of stepping all around it in a way that is people pleasing self effacing, easy going and what happens over time is that those unstated needs and wants can build up into resentment and frustration now aggressive communication.
Where we get in people's faces and tell them what we need is also not compassionate. The best place that we can be is right in the middle with assertive communication. Speaking using I statements, telling people what we need. You know, for example, an example would be. Let's say that we're in a meeting. Somebody keeps interrupting me. I might take them aside afterwards and say when you interrupt me during staff meetings, I feel as though it undermines my expertise. I need you to let me finish my thoughts before speaking up and sharing what you think.
So that is a compassionate way of directly addressing someone's behavior that doesn't come across as aggressive, aggressive with sound, like you need to be quiet during staff meetings rather than constantly interrupting me. So, there's a big difference there and sometimes I think we want to kind of sugarcoat things or, you know, soften things. So, we can say, you know, yeah, I should deal with that, or I should have a conversation with that person. Remember, an assertive communicator is being direct. I will address this I plan to speak to this individual.
So compassionate communication is also not about being passive aggressive. So, when we are being passive aggressive, this is where we are, you know, using sarcasm or, you know, gossip or making these flippant statements where we want to come across as sweet. And easy going and funny. But underneath the surface something is simmering. There is something there that's not being communicated once again. Clear is kind. We want to make sure that rather than being passive aggressive and expecting people to just know that we're passed off, even though we're not saying it, we're all being nice and sweet that that we directly state what's on our minds. And if you work with the passive aggressive communicator, the best thing that you can do is to ask them directly what the concern is. You know I have the sense that you're really not happy about the situation. Tell me what's on your mind right.
And you know, and if we're speaking about this from a needs perspective, going back to compassionate communication, then we might say I need to hear from you if you're unhappy so that I can make a change and make things right for you or do my best to try to amend things. So those are some helpful communication strategies that I wanted to share. And you know at the end of the day, I think we've all been in situations where we mess up, you know, we say something that we don't mean we come across as more aggressive than we intend to or we say something that we know is passive aggressive. We know we're not able to directly.
We address an issue and then we feel badly about it right. Sometimes this can be eye rolling, just, you know, subtle gestures. But in any case, it is inappropriate. So now we want to repair the relationship. First of all, I think we want to make two repairs #1 we want to repair the relationship with our I know for me when I make a mistake, when I miscommunicate or mistreat somebody whom I'm working with, I almost immediately go from guilt about doing that to shame. I'm a bad person. I'm a bad team member. I'm a bad leader. If we sit in a place of shame, we are not going to repair the relationship because we feel like there's something wrong with us. And if there's something wrong with us. We separate ourselves from others.
So, staying in a place of guilt. Oh, I feel badly. I said that that is going to drive you to action and hopefully that action is some sort of conciliatory gesture. So, the conciliatory gesture is when we take accountability for our actions. This requires vulnerability, but it can repair the relationship if it is genuine. OK, so this might be taking responsibility for something conceding. You know that. Yes, we did something wrong. Self-disclosing. You know a little bit of self-information. Gosh, I'm having a tough day. My daughter isn't sleeping well, you know. And I'm not talking about making excuses here but giving somebody a little bit of context for how you might be behaving and then a genuine apology.
So not something like, oh, I'm sorry. My eye rolling bother you so much, but instead, I'm sorry that I rolled my eyes and sighed when you asked a question. I can see that it upset you, and I wish that I hadn't acted that way. So a genuine apology takes responsibility for what was done as well as the impact that it had. That is really the key.
So at the end of the day, I really hope that these healthy communication strategies, these compassionate communication strategies, aim to reinforce a healthier work environment for you, healthier way of communicating with your team and maybe even in your personal relationships as well.
So that's it for this episode of Reviving Vet Med. I hope that you've gained some simple strategies for compassionately communicating within your team. I urge you to think about one thing you're going to do right away after listening to this episode.
Maybe that's changing the way you address your teammates when you need help, or when you're feeling frustrated. Or perhaps share this episode with someone who you think might benefit.
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If you're interested in additional resources related to today's episode, like the book that I mentioned, please check out the show notes. They will be listed there. And if you have any questions about today's episode or suggestions for future topics, please e-mail us at podcast@revivingvetmed.com.
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you'll Tune In next time in the meantime. Take care of yourself. Bye for now!